Global Pandemic

I cannot fathom a stupider method of preventing a disease like H1N1 influenza than mass vaccination, unless the goal is in fact, to line the pockets of pharmaceutical company executives. The potential problems associated with vaccination are myriad, from issues of cost, access and availability, to the fact that vaccines aren't necessarily 100% effective, to the questions that an increasing number of doctors and health professionals have about the safety of vaccines themselves, especially for children. In the case of flu, there are hundreds of different strains of the disease, and influenza remains a serious threat to human populations because the virus itself has the capability for rapid adaptation, and because some of us are not healthy to begin with. We are all children of survivors. Our forebears lived to procreate during the bubonic plague, the spanish influenza, epidemics of smallpox and other diseases. Despite our hubris, science still has a hard time competing with nature. Most people with healthy immune systems don't have a problem surviving the flu. The mythology of inoculation as panacea perpetuates an attitude of dependence and helplessness. Safer, more effective, less expensive and more widely beneficial than vaccination, would be a campaign based on educating the public on how to maintain a state of health and equilibrium so that a) we don't contract the flu, or b) if we do succumb, we recover quickly. Stop eating garbage, turn off the television, get some exercise and get a grip. And keep in mind, that ultimately, no matter what you do, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

Wood Piles and Diaper Pails

This is what our days look like.  Horus comes with us to the woodpile, and loads his own truck.  Don't worry.  We are careful.  It is true that wood piles can be very dangerous.  If only life weren't so dangerous!  I set up a few logs for Horus to climb.  He loves it.

And because so many people have asked, I will tell you about our cloth diapers.  Horus is bare-bummed much of the time, which, I think, is best.  But after [rigidly] attempting "Elimination Communication" (this is the bible, "Diaper Free" by Ingrid Bauer--it's actually a fabulous book, and is similar in spirit to what I'm going on about) with Cedar, I decided not to be quite so rigid.  (Isn't it funny how rigidity goes both ways).  I suppose that with Horus, I use a modified, diaper-inclusive version of EC.  We are using the same cloth diapers that both of my older sons wore, so they are third-hand and very supple now.  I bought extra-large prefolds when Cedar was born, and folded them for the tiny months, so I didn't need to buy several sizes. Purchasing 30 or so is a good idea.  We use a snappi instead of pins, and it's fabulous.  Forget about all-in-one cloth diapers, with liners and velcro etc.  These are annoying to use, only fit for a while, and cannot as easily be repurposed as rags and cloths.  All-in-ones are also *ridiculously* expensive.  

I have only ever used woolen diaper covers (woolies), and contrary to what you might think, wool is very breathable and cool in the summer, as well as being cosy warm in the wintertime.  Using wool alleviates the nasty red marks around the legs that plastic pants will often cause.  "Aristocrats" are made in Canada, and they are, by most accounts, the best.  Not at all scratchy, and even if you're 'allergic' to wool, you probably won't find that this is so, with these.  An investment, but worth the money.  You can also make your own woolies out of old sweaters, which is fun and green.  I sometimes use my hand-made ones as doubles, or on their own when a lighter cover is ok.  

Woolies only have to be washed (by hand) once a week or so, unless they are poopy.  I use Eucalan wool wash, which is wonderful, lanolin-rich, and meant NOT to be rinsed.  Hand-washing the woolie only takes about 5 minutes.  I do it in the bathtub.  

We use cloth diapers when we travel, and at night.  There is no reason not to.  We just pack up the used diapers in a plastic bag, or a kayak dry-bag.  

It sickens me that one of the 'selling points' of disposable diapers is that they 'stay dry', as though the ultimate desire of any parent should be to cut down, at all costs, on the number of times baby's diaper must be changed. Babies pee and poop all the time, and yes, the first few months of a life involves diaper changing many many times a day.  I am dubious when I hear from parents that they "tried" to use cloth diapers, but their son or daughter developed a diaper rash.  Were you changing their diaper every half hour?  If not, then you should have been.  While there is absolutely nothing wrong with baby poop or pee, no one should EVER be left sitting in their own urine or excrement.  The fact that cloth diapers are WET when baby pees, is a good thing.  If your child is sitting in a wet or poopy diaper, he knows from the sensation of WETNESS, that he has peed or pooped, and he is able to indicate to you (ie: vocalizing, and eventually crying) that he needs to be changed.  Children who are constantly embalmed in plastic diapers that contain chemicals that magically 'disappear' the reality of their body fluids, grow up out of touch with the reality of their bodies.  It is no wonder that so many children have so many issues learning to pee and poop in the toilet.  To top it off, disposable diapers contain a chemical soup that has been linked to infertility in boys, and I'm sure many other potential health risks that have not yet been discovered.  And let's not forget the monstrous waste that disposable diapers create, a waste that is literally preserved in plastic, in our landfills, for hundreds of years.  

The disposable diaper industry is a colossal racket; disposable diapers are a 'need' manufactured by multinational corporations who have managed to convince mothers that cloth diapers are too difficult and too 'yucky' to use.  Let's reject this, and return to the dignity of self-sufficiency.  Dignity for both parent and child: babies and children pick up on attitude and energy.  There is nothing disgusting about changing diapers, in fact it is an opportunity to connect with your child, and to assure her that her well-being and comfort is an important and sacred effort.  Baby bums are sweet and lovely.  

Similarly, washing cloth diapers, over and over and over again, is a meditation on the beauty of the human body.  See our capacity for regeneration, for growth and change.  Your baby will soon be walking, talking and yes, using the toilet.  Savor the small things, and appreciate the relationship you have with your baby.  This is an earthy life, and poop is part of it.  She is little for such a short period of time.  Soaking the poopy diapers in a bucket, lifting them out, loading them into the washing machine or washing them by hand...all of this is wonderful.  Feel the weave of the fabric change, becoming softer each time you fold them into a pile and put them back into the basket.  

This is life, kid.  

PS:  I am *definitely* not paid to endorse any products.  These are my personal recommendations.  Yo

My sister A. called me from Vancouver a couple of nights ago.  She had just returned from being interviewed for a part-time nanny position with a couple who live in an apartment in Yaletown, a dense and moneyed urban neighbourhood in Vancouver.  Their seven-month old son had already gone through a couple of nannies.  A. described the parents hovering over the child's crib, watching the poor thing squirm before picking it up, and bringing it into the living room.  They propped the child on the sofa and sat on either side of it, talking about what they thought it liked and disliked, and what kind of activities my sister might, as their employee, want to do with this baby.  Not once did they address the child directly, talk to it, engage with it as a being with complex thoughts and feelings.  When the parents decided it was time for A. to hold the child, they warned her that their son was "shy" and often "made strange" with new people.  And, true to their description, the little boy started to scream as soon as A. picked him up.  

"Needless to say, I didn't take the job", said A.  "The kid seemed sad.  Compared with Horus, it just seemed so blank and lacking in identity and connection.  The parents were joyless in their parenting.  I couldn't handle it."

With great fanfare, Corinne Maier's book No Kid is being published in Canada.  A runaway hit in Europe, Maier 's 40 reasons to remain childless sounds a bit like a shallow publicity stunt.

I must admit: I feel sincerely sorry for Ms. Maier, who stated, in a Globe and Mail interview earlier this year, that she "really regret[s] having children". 

My only regrets as a parent, are the circumstances that led to my living apart from my two older sons.  My life with Horus, now almost ten months old, is a complete joy.  

I do not think that everyone should have children.  And I have not yet read Corinne Maier's book, (recently published in Canada) No Kids, but from the interviews I have heard, and the reviews I have read, it seems to me that many of her points are moot--in my world, anyway.  

The pain of childbirth?  Not at all.  The homebirths of all three of my boys were blissful, exciting, glorious and sweet.  I love giving birth.  

Breastfeeding?  I've said it all before.  Wonderful.

As far as children ruining adult independence, or the pain of having to drag children off to plastic theme parks, none of this fits into my idea of what is involved in raising healthy, interested and interesting children.  

Years of boring toddler-care?  

Toddlers are wise and fascinating, as are all people.  Children are born with a personality, an essential thusness, but parents do indeed influence their kids a great deal, especially in the area of self-esteem and self-worth, and when it comes to a child's concept of where she or he fits into the larger community.  If you don't raise likeable kids, you're not going to like raising them very much.

Since Horus' birth, I have made a point of giving him the respect of my full attention when I spend time with him, of attending to him joyfully, of speaking TO him and with him, not about him.  He is always included in my conversation with other people when we are out and about.  I try to respect his personhood.  I explain everything.  This does not mean that I allow myself to be tyrannized, or that he is tied to my apron strings.  On the contrary, I continue to go about my business, and he and I are both privileged in that I am able to cart him along.  He has never been left with anyone but Lee or myself, and for this reason, among others, he is utterly comfortable in the presence of anyone.  He does not "make strange".  He is not shy.  Why would I want that? 

(Perhaps some parents cultivate this "shyness" in their kids in order to bolster their sense that their children need them--a strange contradiction when many of these same parents choose to hire others to raise their kids...?)

I fumble along like all parents, but I am clear in my desire to raise a child with whom I would actually like to live and spend time.  Already, Horus is open, friendly, comfortable in himself, and as articulate with his feelings and desires as one could expect the brightest of ten-month olds to be.  

Corinne Maier, with her shallow and nihilistic treatise, has got it all wrong.  Children are wonderful.  It is the culture that segregates children from the rest of society--and encourages the outsourcing of childcare to nannies, daycares, theme parks, schools and television in order to indoctrinate a new generation of mindless consumers--that is tiresome, soul-destroying and vapid.  

As sappy as this may sound, being a parent IS the most important job, the most fulfilling endeavour, and...the thrill.  I hope for the sake of her children that Corinne Maier's new book is simply a sensational money grab.